Table of Contents:
2. Online Meeting Info etc.
3. Steps, Traditions, Characteristics, Tools Of Recovery, Signs Of Recovery, Steps To Surviving Withdrawal
1. What are the most common abbreviations used in the
f2f- face to face, as in meeting
ODAAT–One day at a time
DOC-Drug of choice, as in person we are addicted
to, or pattern of behavior such as using pornography. When applied to a person, also known as qualifier, as in someone who qualifies us to be in this program.
IMHO In my humble opinion
ESH Experience, strength and hope
Intrigue- To engage in preliminary behaviors that lead up to acting out, such as flirting
Raincheck–Leave open the possibility of acting out
in the future, as in telling a potential acting out
partner of future availability
FOO– Family of origin
2.How do I access the SLAA online meetings?
Online meetings are available through IRC by using links available at slaaonline.org.
What else is available other than face to face and online meetings?
SLAA also has a number of telemeetings. Information about meeting times and numbers can be found at the SLAA website: http://www.slaafws.org
I would like to email someone off list. Is this
You can send them a private email asking if it’s OK
to correspond off list. The list owners have no
concerns here unless the person emailed does not want this contact and the member persists.
How do I get a sponsor?
It’s always better to have a f2f SLAA sponsor if at
all possible. If there are no SLAA or other "S" (sex addiction) fellowships — including Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sexual Compulsives Anonymous — meetings near you, you can attend other twelve step
fellowships such as AlAnon or Codependents Anonymous and ask someone there to be your sponsor who has good recovery and with whom you identify.
If that isn’t feasible, try emailing someone on our list who reports having a substantial period of sobriety, is working the steps, and with whom you identify to be your sponsor. Sponsors should never be people who could be potential DOC’s/qualifiers. You can also ask someone to be your temporary sponsor.
How do I get SLAA literature?
Go to a f2f meeting, or order it from the SLAA
What are bottom lines and how do I figure out what
Read the "Guidelines for Newcomers" written by the
Alpha Chapter of SLAA in the files section of our
What does it mean to work the steps?
Our program follows the twelve step model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous AA).We read the steps in our basic text, Sex and Love
Addicts Anonymous, and write about how each step relates to us.
For example, doing a first step means writing about how we are powerless over our patterns of sex and love addiction and how our behavior made our lives unmanageable. There are various formats to do this. Many people use the AA Big Book, the SLAA basic text, or Patrick Carnes A Gentle Path to the Twelve Steps as a guide. Our step work should be shared with a sponsor or other recovering member(s) of the fellowship.
3. STEPS, TRADITIONS, CHARACTERISTICS, TOOLS OF RECOVERY, SIGNS OF RECOVERY, STEPS TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL
FIRST STEP: We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
SECOND STEP: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity.
THIRD STEP: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
FOURTH STEP: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
FIFTH STEP: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
SIXTH STEP: Were entirely ready to have God remove all of these defects of character.
SEVENTH STEP: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
EIGHTH STEP: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
NINTH STEP: Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
TENTH STEP: Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
ELEVENTH STEP: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a Power great than ourselves, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
TWELFTH STEP: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
FIRST TRADITION: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SLAA unity.
SECOND TRADITION: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as this power may be expressed through our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
THIRD TRADITION: The only requirement for SLAA membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathering together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an SLAA group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
FOURTH TRADITION: Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SLAA as a whole.
FIFTH TRADITION: Each group has but one primary purpose-to carry its message to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
SIXTH TRADITION: An SLAA group or SLAA as a whole ought never to endorse, finance or lend the SLAA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
SEVENTH TRADITION: Every SLAA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
EIGHTH TRADITION: SLAA should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
NINTH TRADITION: SLAA as such ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
TENTH TRADITION: SLAA has no opinion on outside issues, hence the SLAA name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
ELEVENTH TRADITION: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than on promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all fellow SLAA members.
TWELFTH TRADITION: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
FIRST CHARACTERISTIC: Having no healthy boundaries, we become immediately emotionally and sexually involved and attached to people without knowing them.
SECOND CHARACTERISTIC: Fearing abandonment, we stay in and return to painful self-destructive relationships.
THIRD CHARACTERISTIC: Fearing emotional or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and engage in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual contact at a time.
FOURTH CHARACTERISTIC: We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity or the need to rescue or to be rescued.
FIFTH CHARACTERISTIC: We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and/or sexual contacts.
SIXTH CHARACTERISTIC: We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, fear and envy. We use sex as a substitute for nurturance, care and support.
SEVENTH CHARACTERISTIC: We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others, or we become immobilized or seriously distracted by emotional and sexual obsessions.
EIGHTH CHARACTERISTIC: We assign magical qualities to others, idealizing and pursuing them, yet blaming them for not fulfilling our fantasies.
NINTH CHARACTERISTIC: We avoid responsibility for ourselves by staying in chaotic situations with people who are emotionally unavailable.
TENTH CHARACTERISTIC: We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue or compulsive sexual activities until our lives become unmanageable.
ELEVENTH CHARACTERISTIC: We conceal our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from God, ourselves and loved ones.
TWELFTH CHARACTERISTIC: In an attempt to protect ourselves from being vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.
FIRST TOOL OF RECOVERY: MEETINGS: Find a meeting that you are comfortable with and regularly attend.
SECOND TOOL OF RECOVERY: LITERATURE: Read everything you can about this disease.
THIRD TOOL OF RECOVERY: GET A SPONSOR: It is strongly recommended that you get a sponsor immediately. Even if you only get a temporary sponsor, this is a vital beginning of your recovery.
FOURTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: WRITING: Get a notebook and start to keep a written account of what is going on in your life. Share this with the group, your sponsor or someone you trust.
FIFTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: PHONE LIST: Get a copy of the phone list – and then USE IT! Knowing you are NOT alone is very powerful!
SIXTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: HONESTY: Work on being honest, with ourself and with others.
SEVENTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: ANONYMITY: This is the "spiritual foundation" of this and all other 12 step recovery programs.
EIGHTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: OPEN-MINDEDNESS and CONFIDENTIALITY: Learn to accept ourselves and to accept other people.
NINTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: WILLINGNESS: To start working the program.
TENTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: TRUST: This is one of the hardest but also one of the
most important "tools" we need in our recovery.
ELEVENTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: SERVICE: Service within the group as chairperson, secretary, intergroup representative etc.
TWELFTH TOOL OF RECOVERY: The most asked question from newcomers is, "How soon do I start working the steps?" The answer is, "How soon do you want recovery?"
FIRST SIGN OF RECOVERY: We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take care of our own needs, and to put responsibility for our own lives first.
SECOND SIGN OF RECOVERY: We ask for help when we need it, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to others who we learn to trust.
THIRD SIGN OF RECOVERY: We learn to value sex as an expression of love in relationships, not as an escape from stress, loneliness, anger, fear, or as a substitute for nurturance or affirmation.
FOURTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We learn the definition of real love, distinguishing it from obsession, neediness, physical attraction, pity, control, or the need to rescue or be rescued.
FIFTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fear of abandonment and responsibility, thereby learning to feel comfortable in solitude.
SIXTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We begin to find honest instead of self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.
SEVENTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We become honest in our expression of who we are in our relationships with others, developing true intimacy with others.
EIGHTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.
NINTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.
TENTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects.
ELEVENTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We learn to avoid situations which may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually.
TWELFTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We seek to develop a daily relationship with a higher power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction.
THIRTEENTH SIGN OF RECOVERY: We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a higher power.
FIRST STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Work a 12 step program. Ask questions of other fellowship members. Refuse to isolate yourself.
SECOND STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Get a temporary sponsor and/or a
THIRD STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Attend fellowship meetings even if they are not in your specific "problem area." Write down what you feel and things that you are ashamed of, as you feel them. Obtain phone numbers and use them when times are slippery.
FOURTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Accept responsibility for your acts, admit to a conscience and to mistakes but refuse the shame.
FIFTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Exercise, take care of yourself. On each sunny day take time to face the sun, close your eyes and feel its warmth.
SIXTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Learn prayers and use them when feeling slippery.
SEVENTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Learn what activities make you feel ashamed. Then remove those activities and replace them with safe actions.
EIGHTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Treat yourself good. Go to a film, buy something, get a massage, haircut, manicure, sleep in or anything that does not violate your bottom line behavior. Try to do this on a regular basis.
NINTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Use a mirror and look at yourself. Tell yourself positive things and try to remember what you look like as if you might draw yourself later.
TENTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Set time aside each day to meditate and just be with yourself. Pay more attention to your actions and try to "feel" what you are doing.
ELEVENTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Let go of the tortured emotions,
recovery takes time. The pain of withdrawal must be felt but it will eventually diminish.
TWELFTH STEP TO SURVIVING WITHDRAWAL: Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years all happen without our control. There are no schedules, deadlines or races in withdrawal. Just you and the inner child. This is a good time to get to know each other.